Cinnamon Swirls

Mall of Asia, LRT lines, cats with hats.
Guitars, turtles, chibi drawings, Gin Ginebra.
The color blue, buildings, Physics.
Origami, caligraphy, Coheed and Cambria.

A year has passed since we part ways,
And somehow, we’re still friends—
For that, my dear, let’s take a bow.
But today, let’s forget the present days
Because, from time to time it still awkwardly aches;
Especially knowing that I first broke the vow.

Trying to find a movie ticket,
I stumbled upon my diaries.
There I saw a date:
This was supposed to be the time
When I greet you Happy Anniversary.

They were all filled with your name;
With hearts, and smiles,
And sketches of our mocking fate.
Small notes, stapled on the pages;
Showing the bond I threw away.

Everything flashed before my eyes:
You made me so happy.
The happiness that was lost for years.
The smiles you always bring.
The joy of loving,
The pleasure of being loved.

Do you remember that night?
Alcohol pulled our lips together,
Making us break a rule
That later led to a
A love story so cruel.

But the secrecy made us exciting.
As if in an action movie:
Running, hand in hand, from the authorities.
A risk we made by any means;
A gamble we proudly took.
We had aces!
But in our card game
The two’s made us lose.

Have I said sorry, my dear?
Do I still have the right
To say it after a whole year?
“I can’t give you the love you deserve.”
Is far too cliche.
But the rusts of that line
Was because of the rain that poured on
The chains of my imprisoned mind.

You came during the most horrible time of my life.
Ironically, the only thing life deprived of me
Was the only thing needed for you to keep me.
How I wish I could have given you
The innocence you utterly deserved.

The more I feared of commitments,
The more I embraced hell.
And I wish I could turn back time,
To return my fears to the so-called “heavens”;
To be able to trust, and love again.

“I want to hide the truth,
I want to shelter you.
But with the beast inside,
There’s no where we can hide.”

I have no reasons; no excuses.
September was a deadline I needed to meet.
If we were to reach the anniversary,
The more you’d see the devil inside of me.
And frankly, no human being deserves
To be dragged down with such miserable souls.

“Look into my eyes,
It’s where my demons hide.
Don’t get too close,
It’s dark inside.
It’s where my demons hide.”

The next chapter of your life
May completely exclude me.
To be honest,
I cannot imagine you sketching someone else;
Or naming a building after a girl other than me;
It sounds so rude, and selfish, and illogical.
But my dear, I wish you all the happiness
Though accepting this fate
Is to swallow whole, steel nails.

What I fear and regret the most is that
I might have broken the glass
That could have reflected someone
So much more deserving than me.
And I’m sorry.

Sir Engineer, have I said thank you?
Because, the time we spent together
Is inevitably irreplaceable.
You are be my best memory.
No one can compare to you.
There were never lapses.
The love I felt was infinite.
The love you gave was inhumane.
Please remind yourself, my dear
that you were beyond perfect.

So many things that remind me of you.
Bikes, mountains, college affairs.
Officers, forbidden love, university-wide clubs.
Licenses, roads, sky-ways, beams.
Showers, balloons, cinnamon swirls.